Building your relationship right (The Foundation)

Many relationships fail today because they were not founded on solid foundations. If the foundation is destroyed, the builders would have to break down whatever structure they had and start all over again.
Before considering a relationship, some of the foundations that you must consider include

1. Maturity. Before you even consider entering into a relationship, you must be considered an adult because there are somethings you may not be able to handle as a kid. The truth is that relationships are for the matured and only those who are ready for the challenges would enjoy it. Maturity is not however restricted to age. Anyone considering a relationship must also be emotionally matured. Such a person should be complete on his/her own before venturing into any relationship. You should never enter a relationship because you can not stay alone or because you are lonely. If you do that, you would over time become a burden to your partner. Be satisfied with your singlehood first, before diving into a relationship. Finally, you must also be spiritually matured. We are growing to be better and better, but you must be one who know your God and you should have reached some levels with Him. There are some challenges you may not be able to face alone and that is where the God you know would really matter.
2. Market value. I'm sure you would onlu want to enter a relationship with someone you admire and respect. I guess you would like some traits in the person, traits that make the person stand out. However, remember that you must have something of value to get something of value. You can only purchase a value good in the market with substance (i.e. money). SO if you want to enter into a relationship with someone of value, you must have value first. Relationship is about give and take. Scriptures say that iron sharpens iron. If you don't have 'market value', then you may not be able to get that guy or girl of your dreams. Even if you succeed in getting the person,, the relationship would only last for a while. SO before you consider taking the plunge and getting into that relationship, make sure you are valuable.
3. Discover yourself and where you are headed to.I believe that a relationship is like a journey with a driver (the man) and a passenger (the woman). Would you ever enter a car with a driver that does not know where he is headed to? Or would you pick a passenger who tells you any direction is OK by me? The persons in a relationship are supposed to complement each other, and this is only possible when they both have an idea of where they are headed. You may not have a full picture, but you must atleast have an idea. What are your future plans? What has God purposed for you? Where are you headed to? When you are able to answer these questions, then you would know the kind of person you would need to accomplish them. Adam was busy in the garden before God created Eve to be a helper to him. Don't see a relationship as fun alone. It is a whole lot of work and commitment too. So before taking that bold step, make sure you know where you are going and the kind of person you need to get there.

Here are some questions. Let me hear your opinions.

• What is the purpose of a relationship?
• Is casual dating wrong?

Why do most relationships today have a higher probability of failing than succeeding?? (cont'd)

I guess relationships are no longer treated as seriously as in years past. The number of divorces tells us this fact. Noone is willing to stick to a relationship that seems to be doomed. We are no longer willing to stick to a guy or girl when things are not working the way we want. Sometimes, some people even quite relationships 'cos things are not as "sweet" as they used to be.

So am I saying you should stick with a relationship no matter what? Not necessarily. But you should know the difference between a resolvable problem and a problem with no solution. Sometimes, the problem is caused by misunderstandings that seem to arise all the time. The interesting thing is that while you may believe that the other party is the one at fault, you may also have some faults on your own. So before you rush out of the relationship, take time to study what exactly is wrong.

I also believe one of the greatest errors affecting so many of us is the misconception of love. It is so easy to declare your love to someone else, but much more difficult to practice that love. Love is more than an emotional feeling you have when you are attracted to or happy with your partner. Love is also a decision. You choose to remain with that person even when you are pissed and don't seem to like him that much at the moment. You choose to stick with her even when she's not understanding. You choose to be true to him even when you meet someone else that seems to understand you and who seems to always be there (unlike your partner).

We need to learn to trust ourselves and to be faithful. Without these basic foundations, no relationship can last. So if something seems wrong with your relationship, return to the foundation

Why do most relationships today have a higher probability of failing than succeeding??

I think that is a difficult question that cannot be answered simply. Different relationships have different problems, some of which seem insurmountable, making the couple in the relationship deciding to call it quits.

I think one thing common to most defunct relationships is the foundation. Movies today teaches us love at first sight. You seem some girl (or guy) walking out on the streets and suddenly noone else is in the world but you and him. If you are lucky, she (or he) catches you watching and smiles at you. Wow! Such a wonderful smile too and a great set of teeth. You spend the rest of the week thinking of her (or him) and how to get her. Two days latter and they are both in a relationship. Now these two don't know anything about each other, but they seem to believe that they would learn all there is to learn in the relationship. It is true that you can only know very little about someone from afar, but take sometime to know somethings. What are her (or his) likes, what makes her (or him) tick, what do people say about him, etc.

Looks can be very deceiving. She (or he) may look perfect on the outside, but there may be so much that is wrong inside. So instead of looking for the first opportunity to ask her out, try to make friends first.Try to truly know her (or him). Now being a friend allows you to know more about her (or him) and you see her (or him) for who she (or he) is when she (or he) is not aware...

To be continued...