I attended a youth conference sometime last month (July 2010) and listened to a particular speaker (Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo) who said it all in a message he tagged “Who You Marry”. This is an adaptation of his message and as this list certainly isn’t exhaustive, I hope it would help you make the right choice.
- The person MUST be a Christian. You cannot share a lifetime with someone who doesn’t share something as basic as your faith with you. This is a point that cannot be overemphasized. A Christian is more than just a moralist. A Christian refuses to sin, because sin is not in his nature. He may not be perfect, but he strives to please his heavenly Father. This is important because a Christian partner would always uphold you when you are weak, as iron sharpens iron. Don’t forget that our stay here is only temporary and there is a greater home beyond here. So quit anything that would prevent you from making home.
- The person MUST have sound character. A lot of people are so interested in the physical traits of a person, that they miss the more important invisible but very real ones. The fact that a person attends church does not mean he has good character. “How do I know a person has sound character?” you may ask. ‘Therefore, you will fully know them by their fruit’ (Matthew 7:20). You must not be in a haste to make that important decision. Take your time to study the person. You would always notice what a person can and cannot do by the way he talks, his mannerism and how he treats others. Even if he is acting out, keep watching. You can also know a person better by getting to know his friends. You can never be too careful!
- Check out for compatibility. This does not mean that you must be similar or alike. It is however important that you can get along with the person. Do you have the same values? You may both be Christians, but you may not agree on certain important issues. Some may be solved by compromise, but there are certain core values that must align, else there would be a lot of conflict. Another test of compatibility is your goals and ambitions. What are his future plans? Does she plan to work or be a stay-at-home mother? The answers to these questions and other similar one would help you avoid future challenges.
- Look out for companionship. Have you ever wondered what married couples do? Most of us would be married for much longer than we have been single so far. So what would you do with your partner all year long? If you are not friends with your partner, then marriage would be a very long and boring journey. You should be close friends who love each other’s company. This is the reason must counselors would suggest that you marry you friend. You may love him now, and she may be all you need now, but the romance would fade with time, and only true friendship would last. If you are not real friends now, make it your top priority.
- Does the person have the capacity to handle a relationship? Capacity is a measure of maturity. It is a test of your ability to handle the challenges that come in a relationship and eventually marriage. Is the person able to make decisions on his own without external influence? Can he handle the pressures? Many relationships and marriages have crashed because of external influences from relatives and friends. Capacity is a measure of physical maturity, emotional maturity and spiritual maturity. These traits are important for any relationship that would stand the test of time.