The Science of Love

We are all familiar with the art of love - the emotions, romance, tenderness and the likes, and we spend so many get so distracted by these, that they don’t take time to study the inner workings. The Science of Love in this discussion refers to the logical study of love, which would lead to self-discovery and assist you in making that important decision.

We all have different character traits, and this affects our thought pattern and indeed how we love. It is important you discover who you are and then you know who to look for.  I sincerely hope you would discover yourself as you read and this discovery would assist you in building a meaningful relationship.

Choleric Love

For people with choleric temperament dating is not fun like it is with sanguine people. Choleric people approach dating in the same manner they approach other issues in their lives - they analyze their hopes and needs, as well as the potential partner. It is crucial that this potential partner shares their goals and interests, because choleric people need someone to exchange ideas and talk about what interests them, like science and politics. They need a mind mate.

People with this temperament are attracted by those who are good listeners, smart at handling conflicts and disagreements and have other recognized social skills. While they analyze and hide their own emotions, choleric people look for someone who is emotionally expressive, flexible and even hesitant. Often phlegmatic people are their choice.

Choleric people usually are not interested in several relationships at once and have little dating experience when they are young. They may act awkwardly. If they don't envision future with you and are not interested in you they may treat you with neglect and be very impatient. Because of their forthright style and take-charge approach they are likely to end the relationship abruptly when you may not even expect it.

On the other hand, if they find someone who they think is worth of their time and effort, they will focus intensively on that person. They can be very romantic and are ready for a deep commitment. Instead of expressing their emotions they will focus on pleasing you by getting you what you want. They like to be needed so describe them your problems and difficulties and they will try to fix it for you.

Between all four temperaments, this temperament “falls in love” less frequently. They have only few serious relationships during their lives. However if they decided to build a relationship they don't leave it easily even if it wasn't exactly what they wanted, because they don't like to change their minds.

Which Love Language Do You Speak??

If you've ever been in a relationship, you’ve probably been let down by a significant other who failed to love you properly—as in the way you needed and expected to be appreciated.

One friend's boyfriend would tell her he loved her more regularly than Google makes a new hire. Yet, on Valentine's Day, he failed to produce a gift. My friend began to sob. Why? "It means he didn't care enough to find one," she bawled. Her conclusion: He must not love her after all.

Maybe your husband does surprise you with just-because gifts, but you'd give anything for him to skip one late night at the office to spend an evening at home.

Behind these crossed wires, says Gary Chapman, PhD, best-selling author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, lies one key miscommunication: We each speak one primary love language, and unless your partner expresses affection in the one that's meaningful to you, he might as well be whispering sweet nothings in Sanskrit.

There are five languages, Chapman says: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. "Most couples don’t speak the same one," he explains, "but feeling loved is the deepest emotional need we have." Watch—and learn from—three couples on the verge of a breakthrough.

Couple #1

Lena, 31, and Ethan, 35
She wants: Quality Time
He gives: Gifts

A few months ago at a party, Ethan overheard his wife, Lena, describe a bracelet she had been fantasizing about for months. When her birthday came, he found it, bought it, and nearly burst with pride as she opened the box. To his surprise, Lena's eyes welled with tears—and not of joy.

What was she thinking? Well, roughly, this: "You idiot! If you really loved me, you'd give me your time, not diamonds." To Lena, each stone represented a night her husband had canceled on her to work late. She would trade each diamond for a minute of his BlackBerry-free attention.

Ethan was baffled—and angered—by her reaction. "I work my butt off so I can afford gifts like this for her," he fumed. "I put thought into them. But apparently that just isn't good enough."

Dr. Chapman Says:

Gifts shouldn’t replace expressing love in Lena's love language, which is quality time. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled, and Lena's is empty.

The couple should put aside 15 minutes each day to connect. Ethan may initially drag his feet for fear "15 minutes" will turn into two hours, but that won't happen once Lena knows that time will be carved out every day.

What Men and Women Want in Their Spouse (By Sam Adeyemi)

Marriage thrives on the God kind of love which is characterized by sacrifice, giving and forgiving. Each partner must be willing to make the right sacrifices to ensure the other person is fulfilled. Marriage is a blood covenant and the conditions are binding. Therefore when you decide to get married, bear in mind that you no longer have complete control over your life, so, if you are not willing to give up that control, you are not fit to venture into marriage.


Selfishness creates problems that eventually kill a marriage, which is when the individual needs of each partner is not met. It is very important that spouses identify very quickly each others' needs and work to meet them. Marriage will be blissful when the focus is on meeting the other partners' needs.


What are the basic needs of married men and women? The following tips will guide you, but the best guide is the Holy Spirit, so in doing our best, let us enlist His help.

• Men, being visually stimulated, need attractive wives. Ladies take note! A wise wife will take extra care to look good all the time, so as to continuously arouse her man's interest.
• Men need sexual fulfillment. Sex, for men, is a physiological need, just like food. A man needs and is ready to have sex every 48-72 hours! A wife should brace herself for this because a man can become irritable if this need is not met.
• Men need wives who respect and admire them, a woman who feels her husband is her hero. Men assess the level of respect their wives have for them by the way they speak to them. A wise wife will communicate respect every time.
• Men need women who are their recreational companions. A wise wife would develop an interest in her husband's hobbies.

• Women blossoms on sensitivity and affection. Being emotional beings, they express emotions and not necessarily facts when they speak. Therefore, a good husband should learn to listen patiently when his wife talks, albeit too much, and just reassure her.
• Women's greatest need  is security - financial and emotional. It's a man's duty to provide this. Financial security comes essentially from vision and not money. A woman feels secure when her husband is willing too work, protect and provide for the family.
• A woman needs a man who has honest and intimate conversations with her. Women are naturally intuitive so they can tell when they are being lied to. Men take note!
• A woman needs her husband to place the family first on his priority list.
• Women need men who will support and encourage their dreams and aspirations

As Christians, we need to work with different mindsets, esteeming the other person over ourselves. Nobody is superior to the other; remember that in Christ, there is no male or female. With God's grace, we will love sacrificially and build healthy relationships and homes.